[Noise] From The Onion

SATAN TO REVISE BAR CODE SYSTEM 

NEW YORK--Responding to retailers' calls to "streamline the Mark of
the Beast," Satan announced plans Monday to make significant changes
in the UPC symbol by the end of the millenium.  "All men, small and
great, rich and poor, slave and free, shall bear the mark of the
beast," Satan said. The mark, "666," now hidden in every UPC symbol,
may be more effective if taken off products and burned directly onto
consumers' foreheads or hands, according to The Father of Lies. Said
National Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan: "As foretold in the
Book of Revelations, it shall come to pass that no man shall be able
to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast." The new bar code system
will be introduced through a series of televised public-service
announcements featuring Friends star Matthew Perry and Satan, who will
appear as a beast with seven heads and ten horns.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3102/index3102.html


-- 
"It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once."
					               -Hume

> SATAN TO REVISE BAR CODE SYSTEM 

[snip]

Not to be outdone, Satan's major competitor, Choronzon, Chief Demonic
Officer and only resident of the accursed 10th Aether of the Enochian
System, today announced his own plans for a system to label his mortal
followers and regulate their business transactions. 

"Stamping numbers on the foreheads and hands of individuals is primitive
technology," Choronzon explained, snapping his barbed tail, and emitting 
a sulphurous plume.  "We are pleased to announce our plans to identify
our followers using digital watermarking technology licensed from RSA
Data Security, Inc."

Implementation of the scheme, which will involve the encoding of a 
subtle full-body pattern into each individual by surface ablation with
high powered eximer lasers, will be managed by Choronzon's Supreme
Legate to the Material World, Jim Bidzos.

--
Eric Michael Cordian 0+
O:.T:.O:. Mathematical Munitions Division
"Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole Of The Law"