[Humor] Kennedy's New Legislation

Something amusing from alt.true-crime with definite crypto parallels
to certain Swinestein and Freeh initiatives.  It is rare to find
material that rises to the Toto level of comedy on Usenet.
 
-----
 
Newsgroups: alt.true-crime
Subject: Kennedy Death Spurs Legislative Initiative
Date: Fri, 02 Jan 1998 22:44:03 GMT
Message-ID: <68jrg6$eil@dfw-ixnews6.ix.netcom.com>
 
BOSTON, Mass. (AP) - Sen. Ted Kennedy announced here today that he
will introduce a bill limiting access to skis and ski poles. The
"Winter Sports Safety Bill" is believed to be a reaction to the recent
death of the Senator's nephew Michael Kennedy in a skiing accident.
 
"When skis were invented, they were made out of wood," Kennedy said.
"Today's skis are simply to powerful and dangerous to be in the hands
of people. There is no constitutional right to skiing. We feel that
people will have to sacrifice some of their freedoms for the
protection of society as a whole."
 
One provision will license all dealers in skis. These licenses will
involve fingerprinting, background checks, body cavity searches, and
photographs of anybody wishing to be in the business of selling skis
and ski poles.
 
Another section of the bill bans any ski pole under 36" in length and
any ski which is not at least 48" in length.
 
The bill also addresses ski wax. Studies have shown that some waxes
actually make the skis go faster, creating a greater danger of death
to the skier. Skiers also use the faster skis to outrun the ski
patrol, which is not an acceptable practice.
 
A five day waiting period will be required for all ski and ski pole
sales.  People will be required to provide their social security
number and floor plan of their homes before being permitted to
purchase skis.
 
"There are simply too many people getting excited about skiing. Easy
access to skis is the major reason people get killed on those things.
They should have to wait before they can pick up their skis. I am sure
that this 'cooling off period' will save lives," Kennedy said.
 
Another bill has been introduced that will ban 'ski carrying devices'
on tops of cars that have a capacity of greater than ten skis.
 
"There is simply no reason why anybody needs more than ten skis. You
can't ski on more than two at the same time. People with more than ten
skis are simply up to no good," said Kennedy.
 
Statistics quoted by the Center for Disease Control show that skiing
was second only to drowning as the leading cause of death for people
close to the Kennedy family.
 
OTHER RELATED STORIES:
 
  - Ted Kennedy Denies Driving Michael to Aspen.
  - Study Links Skiing to Suicides.
  - Clinton Calls for Restrictions on "Cop Killer" Ski Poles.
  - Washington DC to Buy Back Skis for $2 Each.
  - Dianne Feinstein Vows Defeat for the National Skiing Association.

--
Eric Michael Cordian 0+
O:.T:.O:. Mathematical Munitions Division
"Do What Thou Wilt Shall Be The Whole Of The Law"

At 4:48 PM -0800 1/2/98, Eric Cordian wrote:

>Newsgroups: alt.true-crime
>Subject: Kennedy Death Spurs Legislative Initiative
>Date: Fri, 02 Jan 1998 22:44:03 GMT
>Message-ID: <68jrg6$eil@dfw-ixnews6.ix.netcom.com>
>
>BOSTON, Mass. (AP) - Sen. Ted Kennedy announced here today that he
>will introduce a bill limiting access to skis and ski poles. The
>"Winter Sports Safety Bill" is believed to be a reaction to the recent
>death of the Senator's nephew Michael Kennedy in a skiing accident.
...

And on a more serious note, one thing this affair shows is that once again,
the Kennedy clan (KC)  lives by different rules. Whether it's Edward
Kennedy getting off in the Mary Jo Kopechne case, when any of us would have
likely been charged with a) drunk driving, b) leaving the scene, c) lying
in an investigation, or whether it's this very same Michael Kennedy getting
off with his underage babysitter....

(Why was he not charged with statutory rape? Because the KC got to the
babysitter and, it is widely reported, bought her off. So why was the
_criminal_ charge of statutory rape not still applied? Because the
babysitter wouldn't testify.)

And so on, over and over again.

Wanna bet that if I was on the hill in Aspen horsing around playing ski
football and behaving like a drunken lout with a bunch of other people the
ski patrol would whistle us down and tell us to knock it off?

Justice has always been for sale in America. But with tens of thousands of
new laws, the effects are just becoming more obvious.

I say the death of Michael Kennedy, as with the death of Princess Di, was
just an example of evolution in action. (An imperfect example, of course,
as Di had already been bred.)

Regrettably, this satire about the Safe Slopes and Children's Protection
Act of 1998 is on the mark. Clueless bimbos like Swinestein, who's never
passed up a chance to make another law, will be jockeying for regulation of
the ski slopes...even as the Kennedy Clan remains exempt.

--Tim May


The Feds have shown their hand: they want a ban on domestic cryptography
---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:---------:----
Timothy C. May              | Crypto Anarchy: encryption, digital money,
ComSec 3DES:   408-728-0152 | anonymous networks, digital pseudonyms, zero
W.A.S.T.E.: Corralitos, CA  | knowledge, reputations, information markets,
Higher Power: 2^2,976,221   | black markets, collapse of governments.
"National borders aren't even speed bumps on the information superhighway."

Tim May <tcmay@got.net> writes:
> And on a more serious note, one thing this affair shows is that once again,
> the Kennedy clan (KC)  lives by different rules. Whether it's Edward
> Kennedy getting off in the Mary Jo Kopechne case, when any of us would have
> likely been charged with a) drunk driving, b) leaving the scene, c) lying
> in an investigation, or whether it's this very same Michael Kennedy getting
> off with his underage babysitter....

Joe Kennedy was a common thug, no different from the Gambinos and the
Genoveses. He made millions of dollars during the prohibition smuggling
whiskey from Canada. He personally murdered numerous of fellow drug dealers
and law enforcement officers (OK, he's not all bad :-) and dozens more were
murdered on his orders. He then bought political offices for his kids,
which is precisely what his colleagues - cocaine and heroin deales from
Cali, medellin, etc cartels - get blamed for in Mexico and Colombia.

---

Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM
Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps

At 17:17 -0800 1/2/98, Tim May wrote:
>Wanna bet that if I was on the hill in Aspen horsing around playing ski
>football and behaving like a drunken lout with a bunch of other people the
>ski patrol would whistle us down and tell us to knock it off?

We have a good story in this week's Time that talks about how the ski
resort had repeatedly asked the Kennedys to knock it off. Including the
night before the accident. Even on the "fateful" afternoon, the ski patrol
had told the Kennedys -- the last on the slopes -- it was time to quit.
"Nevertheless, 36 members of the Kennedy party prepared to play."

-Declan

At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
>"Evolution in action."
>Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool.

It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced...

				Thanks! 
					Bill
Bill Stewart, bill.stewart@pobox.com
PGP Fingerprint D454 E202 CBC8 40BF  3C85 B884 0ABE 4639

-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----

An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote:
: 
: At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
: >"Evolution in action."
: >Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool.
: 
: It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced...
: 

Actually, natural selection in action ...

- -- 
[] Mark Rogaski                   "That which does not kill me
[] wendigo@pobox.com                 only makes me stranger."
[]
[]      finger wendigo@deathstar.jabberwock.org for PGP key
[] anti spambot: postmaster@localhost abuse@localhost uce@ftc.gov

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Mark Rogaski <wendigo@ne-wendigo.jabberwock.org> writes:

> An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote:
> :
> : At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
> : >"Evolution in action."
> : >Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool.
> :
> : It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced...
> :
>
> Actually, natural selection in action ...

Same thing...

---

Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM
Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps

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On Thu, 8 Jan 1998, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:

> Mark Rogaski <wendigo@ne-wendigo.jabberwock.org> writes:
> 
> > An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote:
[...]
> > : It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced...
> > :
> >
> > Actually, natural selection in action ...
> 
> Same thing...

There is a diffrence.  It is only evoltion if there is a combernation of
natural verence and natural selection.  If you have a population of
unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion
or improvement.

- -- 
Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header. 
Never trust a country with more peaple then sheep.  ex-net.scum and proud
You Say To People "Throw Off Your Chains" And They Make New Chains For
Themselves? --Terry Pratchett.

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? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} <dformosa@st.nepean.uws.edu.au> writes:

> On Thu, 8 Jan 1998, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
>
> > Mark Rogaski <wendigo@ne-wendigo.jabberwock.org> writes:
> >
> > > An entity claiming to be Bill Stewart wrote:
> [...]
> > > : It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced
> > > :
> > >
> > > Actually, natural selection in action ...
> >
> > Same thing...
>
> There is a diffrence.  It is only evoltion if there is a combernation of
> natural verence and natural selection.  If you have a population of
> unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion
> or improvement.

In case of homo sapiens, it is the same thing.  Assholes like the Kennedys
kill themselves though drugs and reckless skiing before they have a chance
to breed (or breed more). One of the reasons why all drugs should be legal
is that people who should not breed will use the drugs to kill themselves,
leaving more room/wealth/resources for their genetic superiors.

---

Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM
Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps

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On Sat, 10 Jan 1998, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:

> ? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} <dformosa@st.nepean.uws.edu.au> writes:

[...]

> > There is a diffrence.  It is only evoltion if there is a combernation of
> > natural verence and natural selection.  If you have a population of
> > unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion
> > or improvement.
> 
> In case of homo sapiens, it is the same thing.

Of cause, I'm just pedantic enought to point this out.

- -- 
Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header. 
Never trust a country with more peaple then sheep.  ex-net.scum and proud
You Say To People "Throw Off Your Chains" And They Make New Chains For
Themselves? --Terry Pratchett.

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One of the reasons why all drugs should be legal
>is that people who should not breed will use the drugs to kill themselves,
>leaving more room/wealth/resources for their genetic superiors.

Ah yes, the argument against required motorcycle helmets which looks for
the increased organ
harvest for transplants.

Bogus reasoning.  You are sovereign and can do with yourself as you please.
 *That* is why substances should be legal and helmets should be optional.
Pragmatics are irrelevant.  I *do*
wear seatbelts but it should be my choice, not
something the state can use violence to enforce.

Pardon for the off-topic..





David Honig 			honig@alum.mit.edu
---------------------------------------------------
If we can prevent the government from wasting the labours of the people
under the pretense of
 caring for them, they will be happy.  -TJ

David Honig <honig@otc.net> writes:

>  One of the reasons why all drugs should be legal
> >is that people who should not breed will use the drugs to kill themselves,
> >leaving more room/wealth/resources for their genetic superiors.
>
> Ah yes, the argument against required motorcycle helmets which looks for
> the increased organ
> harvest for transplants.
>
> Bogus reasoning.  You are sovereign and can do with yourself as you please.
>  *That* is why substances should be legal and helmets should be optional.
> Pragmatics are irrelevant.  I *do*
> wear seatbelts but it should be my choice, not
> something the state can use violence to enforce.

The above is just one of the reasons why all drugs should be legalized.

As for helmets, seatbelts, et al, consider them in context: most kids
stupid enough to ride a bike wihtout a helmet are already on welfare.
If they get themselves certified brain-damaged (I don't know how the
doctors tell the difference :-) they'll be stealing even more of my money
through taxes. Therefore in the context of taxpayers paying the medical
bills of these parasites, helmets can be required.

> Pardon for the off-topic..

I try to find cryptorelevance in the publishing one's results v. secrecy
thread.

---

Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM
Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps

At 09:17 AM 1/11/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
>David Honig <honig@otc.net> writes:
>>
>> Bogus reasoning.  You are sovereign and can do with yourself as you please.
>>  *That* is why substances should be legal and helmets should be optional.
>> Pragmatics are irrelevant.  I *do*
>> wear seatbelts but it should be my choice, not
>> something the state can use violence to enforce.
>
>The above is just one of the reasons why all drugs should be legalized.

Yes, that was the moral one.

>As for helmets, seatbelts, et al, consider them in context: most kids
>stupid enough to ride a bike wihtout a helmet are already on welfare.
>If they get themselves certified brain-damaged (I don't know how the
>doctors tell the difference :-) they'll be stealing even more of my money
>through taxes. Therefore in the context of taxpayers paying the medical
>bills of these parasites, helmets can be required.

There is a shortage of organ donors.  Motorcycle helmet laws cut 
down the supply.  There's your pragmatics, happy now?




------------------------------------------------------------
      David Honig                   Orbit Technology
     honig@otc.net                  Intaanetto Jigyoubu

	"How do you know you are not being deceived?" 
	---A Compendium of Analytic TradeCraft Notes, 
	     Directorate of Intelligence, CIA
	     http://www.jya.com/cia-notes.htm

At 01:28 AM 1/11/98 +1100, ? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} wrote:
> If you have a population of
>unchanging clones (your typical 'master race') you don't get any evoltion
>or improvement.
>

A population *must* undergo variation in its
heriditary units since 
1. there's always errors in copying the code
2. equivalently, you can't drive the error rate
of a channel down to 0, just arbitrarily close.

So your herd of clones will eventually acquire
some genetic diversity and selection necessarily
follows.

Geez are we off-subject.



David Honig 			honig@alum.mit.edu
---------------------------------------------------
If we can prevent the government from wasting the labours of the people
under the pretense of
 caring for them, they will be happy.  -TJ

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On Sun, 11 Jan 1998, David Honig wrote:

[...]

> At 01:28 AM 1/11/98 +1100, ? the Platypus {aka David Formosa} wrote:
> > If you have a population of unchanging clones (your typical 'master
> > race') you don't get any evoltion or improvement.
> >
> 
> A population *must* undergo variation in its
> heriditary units since 
> 1. there's always errors in copying the code
> 2. equivalently, you can't drive the error rate
> of a channel down to 0, just arbitrarily close.

This is true,  of cause if you have a population like this that will most
likely get killed off by the next pathogen.

- -- 
Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header. 
Never trust a country with more peaple then sheep.  ex-net.scum and proud
You Say To People "Throw Off Your Chains" And They Make New Chains For
Themselves? --Terry Pratchett.

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Declan McCullagh <declan@well.com> writes:

> We have a good story in this week's Time that talks about how the ski
> resort had repeatedly asked the Kennedys to knock it off. Including the
> night before the accident. Even on the "fateful" afternoon, the ski patrol
> had told the Kennedys -- the last on the slopes -- it was time to quit.
> "Nevertheless, 36 members of the Kennedy party prepared to play."

"Evolution in action."

Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool.

---

Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM
Brighton Beach Boardwalk BBS, Forest Hills, N.Y.: +1-718-261-2013, 14.4Kbps

At 12:02 AM 1/8/98 -0800, Bill Stewart wrote:
>At 07:19 PM 1/5/98 EST, Dr.Dimitri Vulis KOTM wrote:
>>"Evolution in action."
>>Thank you, Michael Kennedy, for improving humanity's gene pool.
>
>It's only evolution in action if it gets them before they've reproduced...
>


No, if it gets them before they could have reproduced more, that's good too.
Also, if their absence hurts their existing spawn, that's selection as well.


------------------------------------------------------------
      David Honig                   Orbit Technology
     honig@otc.net                  Intaanetto Jigyoubu

	"How do you know you are not being deceived?" 
	---A Compendium of Analytic TradeCraft Notes, 
	Directorate of Intelligence, CIA